


The Good Lay

by Squornshellous_Beta



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: F/F, Implied/Referenced Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-22 13:48:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8287913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squornshellous_Beta/pseuds/Squornshellous_Beta
Summary: Chidi is starting to develop a sixth sense for Eleanor's... indiscretions.
The park being cordoned off is something of a hint, too.





	

The door of Eleanor's terrifyingly clown-filled house clicked open. "Eleanor," said Chidi even as he entered, "what did you do?"  
  
Eleanor, who was lying on the couch wearing only her underwear and a shirt that looked far more expensive than her usual wardrobe, made a brief attempt to push herself into a sitting position, gave up, and slumped bonelessly back down. "Okay, first of all, why do you assume _I_ did something?" she asked. "Jianyu is at _least_ as likely to do something wrong as I am. More, probably."  
  
"Michael had to evacuate the park when the ducks started growing horns." Chidi put the bags of groceries he had brought on the counter and turned back towards the couch. "By the time _I_ saw what was happening all the flowers had turned into single breasts surrounded by a ring of petals, and then what I'm fairly sure was a _bright pink rubber penis_ jumped out of the water and started flopping around like a fish."  
  
"Okay," conceded Eleanor, "but that could still-"  
  
"Half of the flowers were white-skinned and Jianyu was pretending to just be watching to see if anything else changed." Chidi paused for a moment and considered. "Surprisingly well, actually, I think he was fooling everyone who hasn't heard him talk."  
  
"Kind of a weirdly _specific_ fetish, isn't it?"  
  
"So I'll ask again: What-" there was a startled noise. " _What happened to the Tahani plant_ ," he managed to choke out.  
  
Eleanor turned to look at the window where the plant had ended up, on the theory that even in the Good Place plants probably liked sunlight. It was still healthy and flowering, but now its flowers were fewer and larger, petals forming little figures holding up the front of their dresses. "Huh," she observed.  
  
"Eleanor."  
  
"Okay, so in my defense, it was at _least_ thirty percent her idea." Eleanor propped up her forearm against the back of the couch so that she could wave a finger around for emphasis. "We were talking and she's just _stupidly_ hot and apparently the real Jianyu also took a vow of chastity? And she wasn't exactly Miss Active Social Life back on Earth, either, so she _really_ needed a good fork." She stopped to glare at nothing in particular, her arm collapsing back down onto the couch. "Ah, fork you.  
  
"Sex is _really_ good here," she added, seemingly as an afterthought. Chidi closed his eyes and exhaled heavily. "Like, I don't even know how I got back here? It's kind of a blur. Am I wearing Tahani's shirt?" she added in a tone of genuine surprise.  
  
Deciding that the easiest course was to ignore this completely, Chidi took back the reins of the conversation. "Okay. So is there _anything_ else that I'll need to include in the morality-of-sex lessons I apparently now need to plan and deliver?"  
  
Eleanor remained silent for a few moments, and when she did speak it was in a sheepish tone, which was moderately encouraging; at least she could recognize what not to do in _retrospect_. "I... _might_ have told her we'd discussed it and you were cool with me making a move if she seemed okay with it?" Chidi closed his eyes tightly and pressed a palm to his face. "And there was something about being sure Jianyu didn't expect _her_ to keep a vow _he_ took and so he'd be fine with it?"  
  
" _Eleanor,_ " he groaned, hand still firmly covering his eyes.  
  
"If you look at it the right way I did a good deed," she mused hopefully. "She hasn't had a steady boyfriend since _college_ , and I don't think she's slept with anyone who was actually _good_ at it _ever_."  
  
"There is _no_ moral system where it works like that." Chidi froze as a horrible thought struck him. "Wait, Jianyu's pretending to have taken a vow of chastity? _Successfully?_ _How_ has Tahani not realized he's not really a monk?"  
  
"I think he hasn't actually realized she'd be willing to have sex with him if he asked. The girls he knew when he was alive were less..." she cast about for an adjective that wasn't outright insulting to Jianyu. " _British_ than Tahani. And she hasn't mentioned it because of the chastity thing."  
  
"...And now he's admiring the flowers and she's probably going to talk to him about it," Chidi realized, his voice becoming steadily more horrified as the sentence went on.  
  
"... _Shirt_." Eleanor made an abortive effort to sit upright, quickly giving up. "Um. You should probably get him. My arms and legs and body still aren't working. Hey, do you think I can get Janet to ignore the no-smoking rule and get me a cigarette?"


End file.
